Astrology/Tarot and a confused girl.
There is this both Libra sun and asc guy whom I had a very complicated relationship over the years. For three years, he was one of the most important people for me in my life and one of the ones that I cared the most, as my best friend. But after that 3 years, things changed between us, and love got into that strong bond. And also long distance and many other things that I don't think that I could explain… Not with a few words or sentences at least. But I know for a fact that he was someone I deeply care about, as if he was a part of my soul and always had a special place in my heart that only belonged to him. But like I said, things got complicated and faith made its doing and… Now… Everything is just broken. I am broken…
I haven't been able to recover from the damage that he did to my heart. I can still feel the bond between us and I can surely feel the magnetizing feeling of not being able to fully let him go. I don't know if I want that truly, honestly. I loved our connection. He wasn't a spiritual person, he didn't want to label himself with those things, but I could almost feel him, whenever I had longing feelings for him, and how long we had been apart without communication.
This has been a roller coaster and I don't know if I want to leave it. Maybe it is an addiction, or something that caused so much longing feeling in me for him, but I don't care. I know that trying to cut the bonds with him spiritually or energetically would help, but I don't know if I would ever be able/ready to do that. I don't know if I want to do that.
Like the quote: "The thing I'm most afraid of is forgetting you. The second thing I'm most afraid of is I'll never be able to let you go."
Yesterday, I've had a Tarot reading from a reader whom I've had a reading with before, and she predicted of me having a recent break-up (which is correct, it actually has been only a month) and told me that this guy was a little unstable (as a Libra he is), but he had a very good heart, and hadn't got any bad feeling about me, and was actually super regretful now. Also, someone actually got into his head by that time he decided to end things with me, she told me. She also told me that we would get back together again, and he was actually the right person for me, etc. etc.
I wouldn't normally believe these interpretations but, she actually knew that we would have a relationship in the next 1,5 months the last time that I had a reading with her, and that actually happened. She also told me that we would get married in the previous reading as well, but anyway…
Like I said, I wouldn't normally believe the things that she told me about this guy and our relationship, but she guessed almost everything about my personal life correct, so, now, I don't know if this interpretation is actually correct as well.
And the thing is, I don't know if I truly want to get back together with him. Because even if I still love him, and know that he is an excellent person, he has hurt me a lot in the past. He had so many ups and downs, we've had so many break up and get back together moments because of his indecisiveness and staleness (all of them were actually before we'd have any "actual" relationship, since we were in a long distance situationship and we haven't seen each other for 1,5 years.)
I don't know if we ever got back together, he wouldn't ever regret doing that and leave me again etc. And I'm exhausted of it. Even though this lady told me that he was the right person for me (even though the synastry charts may say something else about it lol) I kind of feel like, he might be the right person, if he was a "better man" (just like the Taylor Swift song lol) and would have acted better, but he didn't. And I am not sure if this will ever change, honestly.
My friends tell me that I would be super stupid to ever get back together with him (again) because I should have know better by now and have some "pride".
Now I don't know what to feel about this, honestly. And I really wanted to pour my heart about it to somewhere.