Can I ‘change’ a reading and manifest something else ?

I am a beginner, and I use an app. It has been working well for me so far. It resonates and adds up.

Earlier I used to watch those general readings on YT. I watched the first one based on my next relationship almost one year back. It said I will be in a 'secret' relationship/somebody's affair. I decided to stop watching them. Quarantine started, I got bored and started watching again. The same thing again. Frustrated, I watched many many relationship readings over the course of next few months. Same thing, again and again. From absolutely different readers.

I switched to more 'frivolous' readings, next sex encounter readings. Since me casually sleeping with someone is not very probable. FUCK EVEN THEY SAID THE SAME THING ????? keywords always include : already taken guy , secret, forbidden. I hate this so bad. I am single for more than a year by choice to work on myself, and I get this.

I stopped watching them and decided to learn to read tarot myself. After practicing and getting used to them, I finally pulled cards for my next relationship. They have the same themes 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

The cards :

Me : 5 of pentacles

How he sees me : 4 of wands

Him : 2 of wands

How I see him: 9 of wands

When: 6 of wands

How do we meet: The Fool

Our chemistry: the chariot, 10 of pentacles

What kind of relationship will it be: the moon, 7 of cups

Lenormand: rider, stork, clouds

😭😭😭

I would have interpreted me being 5 of pentacles as me being unnecessarily insecure but then look at the relationship cards, even cloud appeared. I am not one to cheat so it's definitely not me.

Tell me what you think, and if I can delete the reading and actively manifest a loyal relationship. I don't want to be anybody's secret, and i don't want a disloyal person either.

(I am into astrology and better versed in it, and the transits/solar return/other aspects I have for the next two years are just wow, venus-pluto , Uranus in 7th , 12th stellium, yet again pointing to secrets and a intense/transformative relationship, save me pls)