Lost faith in all things spiritual
Hey, so, I'm a guy, 22, I was never too much into spiritual things, let alone tarot and astrology and numerology, however I would learn stuff about astrology because everyone started talking about it like 2 years ago, and I mean everyone. However the girl I'm in love with started to get more into it so I also picked up more interest. Let me give you context:
we broke up like 2 months ago and during that time she got super into it to the point where everything she posted had to do with numerology and stuff like that, the events of our "break up" (never got to the point of an official relationship but I still call it a breakup cause I don't know what else to call it) happened a few weeks after I moved to a whole different state (Los Angeles, CA to Houston, TX ) and I was going thru a lot of changes at the same time, our breakup destabilized my mind so much and I was left with all these changes I didn't know how to cope with, I have a job I hate that was supposed to be temporary (I haven't found anything better yet), I have to share a room with my mom, I'm in a small boring town in the outskirts of Houston (after being used to living in Los Angeles) my finances were really bad (they've gotten slightly better) and I was lonely. Needless to say, after this breakup I was left extremely anxious about everything, I was desperate, and my "ex" would give mixed signals during these last two months.
I have a friend who's a very professional tarot reader and charges super cheap (she lives in a third world country where USD goes a long way), I had consulted with her in the past before moving to Texas because I wasn't sure about doing so and she mentioned I would end up doing it and that would cause us to break up for a few months but we would get back together, after we broke up I would constantly consult her and she always said my ex was still in love with me but was blocked by certain things (I don't remember the specifics at this point) and that she missed me and she was just waiting to heal to initiate contact, she said she would contact me on April 12th. I had to wait for so long and during that time I would see so many signals everywhere, angel numbers, "love messages" on twitter, I also consulted another reader on one of those apps (not Kasamba but similar), EVERY READING, EVERY SIGNAL OUT THERE assured me the same thing, she was going to come back to me and we would make it right this time, this was incredibly helping for my anxiety (I have a very difficult time dealing with heartbreak).
Come April 12th and she reaches out, ghosts me again and 2 days later she told me she didn't love me anymore and she had move on a while ago and she actually thought I knew because according to her it was "obvious". So yeah she moved on like 2 weeks after our breakup and I'm 90% sure she's already seriously dating (like, an actual relationship) this guy she met literally 2 weeks ago, it hasn't even been 2 months since we broke up. I'm not saying all this to play the victim, just to show how different the reality was from what all those readings and spiritual signs out there would tell me, I also did some manifestation rituals, energy cleansing stuff (everything was ethical btw I would never do love spells or anything not authentic).
They also said a bunch of stuff about my career and financial future, how I was going to have so many improvements pretty soon, I still work at Chick Fil A and keep getting ghosted by companies I apply to so…
I am super heartbroken, but I'm not gonna go deep into that.
I'm grateful that spirituality calmed my anxiety when I was going crazy but maybe without it I would've come to terms with the reality sooner and I would've already passed thru the grief stage I only started going thru 4 days ago.
It was such a disappointment because I had become very spiritual and I was very hopeful for the future and now I'm lost with a shattered identity and a faith crisis
I don't know what to believe, or if I should believe anything anymore.