Social anxiety is keeping me from my cards…
I just got into tarot in December and at first it felt amazing. I felt so connected to my deck and it felt like the answers were so relevant. I started doing spreads for friends and family and it just seemed like relevant messages were flowing from the cards and I knew exactly what to say.
I started to get more interested, bought a couple different decks (interviewed them and started getting attached to those too lol), bought some books, and went to my library and checked out all their books on tarot. I also started an instagram and connected with other tarot readers and it felt like I found somewhere really exciting to belong!!
I have a diagnosed anxiety disorder which I receive professional medical treatment for, as well as depression.
One of my forms of anxiety is severe social anxiety, I worry what other people think in public especially – it can get pretty debilitating.
As I was learning more about tarot, I came across people suggesting things like interviewing your decks and asking your deck if it wants to do a reading with you.
I don’t consider the cards to be a living “person”, rather, I see them more as a tool to inspect your subconscious in a more subjective way… but I did a couple “interviews” and was pleased at the cute “personalities” the cards had.
Unfortunately, my social anxiety has really become so bad that I haven’t been able to read the cards in a couple of weeks. I feel like I’m not cool/worthy enough for the couple decks I have, every time I ask the cards if they want to do a reading with me I receive nonsensical or negative replies.
I feel like my anxiety has psyched myself up to the point of I can’t talk to the cards because I feel like they don’t like me (that is a huge issue I have socially and I work really hard to function and enjoy the company of my friends and family despite the anxious feelings I have).
I know this might sound a little crazy and I do want to reiterate that I don’t really feel like each deck is ACTUALLY a person. It’s just a lot of layers of my anxiety messing me up lol
Does anyone have any ideas for me to calm down and get back into reading tarot? Ironically I was finding the cards to be insanely useful in managing my anxiety before I got all nervous around them.
TLDR: I have an anxiety disorder, I started reading the cards a couple months ago and it was so effortless (and a new tool for managing my anxious thoughts). Now my anxiety is messing me up and I feel really nervous around the cards. I don’t know what to do to make it better.